Stripper Lawyer Raises the Bar

When lawyers pass the bar, is it supposed to be vertical?



Charles Dickens once wrote: "The law is an ass." Very prescient.

A lawyer has told how she turned to stripping to pay bills after struggling to find a legal job in recession-weary America. The attorney, giving her name only as Carla, graduated from law school ten years ago. But after being made redundant in 2009, she had to take drastic action to avoid drowning in a sea of student loans and other debts.

Next time you hear of someone who lost the shirt off their back in the Obama recession, think of poor Carla! Did you hear the one about the lawyer who lost her suit?

H/T Memeorandum

"Gumby" in the "Pokey"?

Did you hear about Gumby trying to stick up a 7-11 recently?



It turns out now, that "Gumby" has turned himself in.

SAN DIEGO -- A man who attempted to rob a Rancho Penasquitos convenience store while dressed in a "Gumby" costume last week turned himself in to police Tuesday, authorities said.

The would-be thief disguised as the famed green claymation character entered the 7-Eleven in the 9700 block of Carmel Mountain Road along with an accomplice in street clothes shortly after midnight on Sept. 5, SDPD Detective Gary Hassen said.

A surveillance camera captured the entire odd episode on video, providing fairly clear images of the disguised man's outfit and the appearance of his friend. No weapon was seen during the alleged holdup attempt, and no money was taken.

The clerk at the 7-Eleven didn’t take the pair seriously when they said they were robbing the store, according to Hassen. The would-be bandit fumbled with his outfit as if to pull a gun from a pocket, but only managed to drop 26 cents in change, which he left on the floor.

You know you're not cut out for a life of crime when you try to stick up a convenience store and you leave twenty six cents poorer than when you went in! Time to consider a career change!

Guess old Gumby's in the pokey now!

Crime Doesn't Pay: California Edition

Some days it's hard to make a dishonest buck!

San Jose police say a truck illegally carrying marijuana crashed and ended up on its side near Oakridge Mall early Wednesday, sending large bags of pot throughout the intersection as the frightened driver ran away.



Several motorists and pedestrians who happened to be passing through the area ran out and grabbed most of the marijuana bags and took off before police arrived.

Okay. You lost your truck and you lost your payload of illegal drugs. What could possibly be worse?

Officers eventually collected the remaining bags of weed left at the scene and also found a loaded handgun inside the white truck. They're still looking for the driver and all the people who snatched up the loose bags of pot and don't have any suspect descriptions.

Oh. You lost your truck, your pot AND your gun? Bummer, dude! You'd better hope that's not your name on the registration, or that's not all you'll lose!

It's unclear how the truck crashed at Blossom Hill Road and Playa Del Rey in South San Jose at 12:50 a.m. But there were no other vehicles involved in the crash, which ended with the truck landing on its side in the middle of the intersection.

Driver sampling his own merchandise, perhaps?



H/T Memeorandum

The Secret of the Runaway Bride

Eighteen year old Valeriya Shevchenko, was resplendent in her wedding finery at the City Clerk's Office in New York City on Tuesday. She was waiting for her fiance to arrive, when the earthquake hit. She ran through the park with her cellphone, trying to find him. They met up at a subway station nearby and returned to the City Clerk's office to be married.



One small problem: They were trying to keep their marriage a secret, because their families disapproved. As Fate would have it, the young lady fleeing in her wedding dress was just too good of a shot for an enterprising photographer to pass up.



I can just imagine their wedding vows: "Baby, when I look at you, I can feel the earth move!"



Best wishes to the happy couple.

Diver's Body Recovered - 17 Years After His Death

A little break from all politics most of the time. This was just bizarre enough to warrant a little more investigation. Last month, the body of a diver was recovered in a deep and very cold area of Lake Tahoe.

The body of Donald Christopher Widecker, 44, was pulled from Lake Tahoe on July 27, four days after a group of divers stumbled across it while exploring a granite cliff 270 feet below the surface. Widecker sank into the frigid lake on California's border with Nevada on July 10, 1994 after apparently suffering a medical or equipment problem. He had not been seen since. Tahoe is the second-deepest lake in the United States, reaching depths of 1,645 feet.

Sounds a little like an episode of CSI. In fact, I wouldn't be too surprised if a fictionalized account of this happening showed up on one of the forensic shows before long.

Authorities were able to locate the ledge using a remote-controlled mini-submarine and recovered Widecker's body, which has undergone an autopsy to determine what caused his death nearly two decades ago.



"Here we have a diver in 270 feet of water that stays at 36 to 38 degrees constantly, doesn't change much," Byers said. "Because he had wetsuit on he was protected from the elements and was just remarkably preserved. From a pathological standpoint it's pretty incredible," he said. "Literally, it's a little spooky."

Four more divers are missing, presumably in the same area. Just beyond the ledge where Widecker was found, the lake plunges to its full 1465 feet deep.



Cross posted at LCR,Say Anything.

Man Arrested for Building Nuclear Device in Kitchen

First it was lemonade stands, now the government doesn't want you building your own nuke reactor, either!

A Swedish man who kept a blog chronicling his attempts to build a homemade nuclear reactor in his apartment has shut down the project after being arrested by police and held under suspicion of breaching radioactive material safety laws. If convicted of an offence, he faces heavy fines or up to two years in jail.

Richard Handl, of rural Ängelholm, had quantities of radioactive radium and uranium, and was attempting to create a self-sustaining fission reaction similar to a nuclear power station, although on a vastly smaller scale.

In his apartment??? How would you like to be this guy's downstairs neighbor? You thought the upstairs neighbor leaving the tub running was bad? Apparently one of his earlier efforts caused a "meltdown" on his kitchen stove!

Got any neighbors who keep to themselves...maybe with a "hobby"? Any of 'em glow in the dark???

Cross posted at LCR, Say Anything.

Unruly Passenger on Flight Diverted to Cleveland Faces Federal Charges

CLEVELAND - The unruly passenger who caused a commercial jet flying from Chicago to Germany to divert to Cleveland Friday is facing federal charges.

The FBI said Monday that Saleh Ali S. Alramakh, aka Saleh Ali S. Alramaleh, age 21, of Riyadh Saudi Arabia, has been charged with interference with flight crew members and attendants. The incident caused United Airlines Flight 944 -- en route to Frankfurt -- to divert to Cleveland Hopkins International Airport at about 5:30 p.m.

According to the FBI, Alramakh went into the plane’s bathroom and used an electronic device while the plane was taxiing in Chicago. He allegedly refused to follow the flight attendant’s directives that he immediately turn off the device and return to his seat, but eventually returned to his seat.

Shortly after takeoff and while passengers are still required to stay seated, the FBI said Alramakh went into the bathroom again and used an electronic device. He once again refused to follow orders by the flight attendants to immediately return to his seat, investigators said. At this point, the FBI said flight attendants unlocked and opened the bathroom door, at which point Alramakh became verbally abusive toward the attendants before returning to his seat.

At some point later in the flight, Alramakh got up a third time and approached a flight attendant in a “belligerent, confrontational manner,” the FBI said. “Alramakh was speaking in a loud tone of voice, using profanity, with his face inches from the flight attendant's face.

Look! You made the guy go to Cleveland!!! Isn't that punishment enough???

(My apologies to all my friends in Cleveland!)


H/T Memeorandum

Hitler's Secret Sex Doll Project

Here she is doing the ironing. Yet another unnatural act she'll perform for you!

(Apparently TinyPic felt that a photo of any woman, even an inflatable one, doing the ironing was too obscene for today's standards!)

A new book reveals that Adolf Hitler ordered the manufacture of Aryan blow up dolls to discourage his troops from sleeping with disease-ridden prostitutes. The so-called “Borghild Project” reportedly kicked off in 1940 when SS chief Heinrich Himmler wrote to Hitler alerting him of the health risks posed to his men by liaisons with French women.

And to think Germany had a problem with inflation, before the war!

Update: To be fair, America has its own problem with inflation:

Think Traffic is Sticky Where You Are?

STOCKTON—

A tanker truck carrying molasses crashed along Highway 99 near Stockton Wednesday morning.
...The truck driver and both people in the other car are ok after the accident. However, traffic is stopped on Highway 99, and backed up on I-5. (The two major arteries for North/South traffic in the state)
...The truck was carrying 70,000 pounds of molasses, which spilled out on the road. Crews are pouring sand on the syrup to try and soak it up.

After they ran out of biscuits and pancakes.

French Town Replaces Patriotic Female Statue - Because her Breasts are Too BIG

A small French town has replaced a patriotic statue in its town hall - because its breasts were deemed too big.

The mayor of Neuville-en-Ferrain, in northern France, swapped the busty model with a more modest replacement after locals in the town 'started to gossip'.

The terracotta bust of Marianne - the traditional female embodiment of the French Republic in a Phrygian cap - was an original work by a local artist, installed in 2007 at Neuville-en-Ferrain's town hall.

The bust was based on that of French Actress Laetitia Casta.



I guess the mayor felt you could have too much of a good thing. Perhaps, in retrospect, I shouldn't have used the word "felt"?

H/T Dead Tree Newspaper

Student Gets Point, Doctors Get the Lead Out

No “erasing” the damage he’s done? Pencil in that reporter for an Emmy!

H/T Pat Dollard

"Headless Woman Dies of Natural Causes"

I heard about this on the radio today. Link via Support your Local Gunfighter. And while it is perfectly natural to die when one's head is removed, that wasn't the case here!

TULSA, Oklahoma -- Tulsa Police have identified the woman found dead inside her home Monday.

Police say 55-year-old Janice Lynn Weisman may have died of natural causes in late December or early January.

Her body was discovered near the front door inside the home. The woman's head was found in another part of the house.

Animal Control removed two dogs from inside the home which police say may have eaten parts of the body.

So, she dies alone, of natural causes, and no one is left to buy the kibble. Man's best friend or no, a fella's gotta eat!

Man Fired for Putting Wife on Terror Watch List

Dear Abby: My husband put me on a terrorist watch list and kept me out of the country for three years. Should I apologize for not being home on time to make his supper? Signed - Perplexed in Pakistan

An immigration officer tried to rid himself of his wife by adding her name to a list of terrorist suspects. He used his access to security databases to include his wife on a watch list of people banned from boarding flights into Britain because their presence in the country is 'not conducive to the public good'.

As a result the woman was unable for three years to return from Pakistan after traveling to the county to visit family. The tampering went undetected until the immigration officer was selected for promotion and his wife's name was found on the suspects' list during a vetting inquiry. The Home Office confirmed today that the officer has been sacked for gross misconduct.

Some say keep the government out of the bedroom? This was the government keeping her out of the bedroom!

H/T Mrs. Crankipants, who suggests that there's either a divorce or some red hot make-up sex in her future. But, what about his needs, Mrs. C???

Woman Drives Ten Months With Corpse in Car

pp

Multisource political news, world news, and entertainment news analysis by Newsy.com

Some people will do almost anything to use the HOV lane!

H/T Pat Dollard

Headline du jour

Finger in Butt Crack Sparks Knife Fight

Truth is stranger than fiction! Besides that, I have no comment other than "Butt Crack Sweat" would be a great name for a rock band!

Rodeo Rider Opens Bar - Gets Bucked!

A classic good news and bad news story: Landmark tavern Valencia Club in Penryn California was reopened after being shuttered over a year.
Rodeo bull rider Travis Kevie cleaned up the place, started stocking beer and liquor and turned on the "Open" sign and started serving customers.

The bad news was, he not only didn't own the bar, he had no liquor license. He broke into the place, bought a six pack of beer and started selling it. He made about $400 over a three or four day period, which he reinvested into more inventory, before he was caught. Bail was set at $50,000. An econ major this guy is not! Maybe he has a place on the obama Economic team?

The good news was that a local paper the Auburn Journal ran a story about the bar's reopening.

The bad news was, an Placer county detective saw his picture in the paper, recognized him from some earlier run ins and was highly dubious that this guy had the wherewithal to open a bar! He got "bucked" alright! If he makes bail, he hopes to ride a bull at the State Fair this weekend.

Stupidity or chutzpah? (Or both?) We report, you decide!

"Soup Nazi" Back in Business

Jerry Seinfeld loves a good joke. But he clearly made a life-long enemy when he based the Seinfeld TV show character the 'Soup Nazi' on real-life soup chef Al Yeganeh.

For 20 years Yeganeh, who calls himself The Original SoupMan, dished out soup with very strict rules: 'Pick the soup you want! Have your money ready! Move to the extreme left after ordering!' If you didn't stick to the rules it was 'no soup for you!'

But the chef didn't take kindly to being imitated on the worldwide hit TV show. Yeganeh banned Jerry Seinfeld from his soup stall in Midtown Manahattan in 1995 when the comedian's Soup Nazi character first aired on his TV show.

Fifteen minutes of fame on Seinfeld. Sigh.

Yesterday that soup stall, which was so popular people would queue for over an hour, was re-opened...Closed since 2004, Yeganeh shut down the 100 square-foot stall when he sold the rights to his business. But he still controls the brand. His famous concoctions include lobster bisque, mulligatawny, crab bisque and lentil.

So, New Yorkers, welcome Al and his tasty soups back to the culinary delights of the Big Apple. But, please...don't call him a "Nazi"!

Cross posted at Say Anything

Headline du jour

"Man Caught at Airport With Monkeys Under Shirt"
Heh. Though, like "man bites dog", think how much better it would have been had monkeys been smuggling men under their shirts?

Southwest Airlines Discovers Human Head Shipment

by the Left Coast Rebel

This is such a strange story:

A Southwest Airlines employee called police after finding human heads in a package set to be transported to a Fort Worth medical research company, the airline said.

[...]

The heads were being transported to the Fort Worth office of Medtronic, a leading medical research and technology company based in Minnesota.

Medtronic spokesman Brian Henry said it is common to ship body parts for medical education and research, but he said it is rare for a shipment to be seized.

“We expect our suppliers to follow proper procedures,” he said.

Camper described the items as 40 to 60 human heads.

But Henry said they were “four full cranial specimens and 40 pairs of temporal bone ear blocks.”

He identified the supplier as JLS Consulting of Wynne, Ark.

JLS’s business license was revoked in December, according to the Arkansas Secretary of State’s online database.

When I first saw this story I thought that it had to do with narco-terrorism and Obama's 'friends' to the south. I also considered the Fatwa factor, too. Of course seeing how small of a thread at Memeorandum this story is commanding would cancel out that.

How would you like to have been the Southwest employee that made this bone-chilling discovery? It makes one's head spin to think of it.

Does anyone think that heads will roll over this incident?

Bonus: Name this movie and the ultimate demise of this actor, who is the protagonist in the movie:

Modern Watch Found in Ancient Tomb?

This story is from 2008: Anachronous discovery: Swiss watch in ancient tomb

Chinese archaeologists have found a tiny Swiss watch in a tomb dating back to the Ming dynasty, which they believed has been intact for four centuries.
The watch was discovered by scientists making a documentary, reports ananova.com website.

The out-of-time piece of jewellery was pressed into the soil covering one of the coffins.

The watch is stopped at 10:06, and there is the word “Swiss” on its back.

Work at the archaeological site has been suspended and experts from Beijing have been called in to help solve this mystery...

That's nothing! When the tomb of Alexander the Great was opened, they found a sundial tied to his wrist with strips of cloth.

Obviously, Alexander's Rag Timeband!

(Points for whomever saw that one coming!)