San Francisco 49's Undefeated This Season!

The team of Jerry Rice and Joe Montana won a big one Sunday, beating Seattle 33-17. Would it be selfish of me to ask the season to stop now???

Ocho Cinco Tres Annos as a Nuevo England Patriot

New England gave Cincinnati a couple of draft picks, probably for the prospect of watching Ocho Cinco arm wrestle Patriot Aaron Hernandez for the number 85 on the jersey.

Just in case you're wondering, I really didn't care about the story that much, but I wanted to try my hand at bilingual headline writing. That third grade Spanish class really paid off!

Global Warming Cancels Sunday Night Football

Blizzard of '99. Your blizzard may vary.

We all remember how "global warming" tore a hole in the Metrodome, dumping large amounts of global warming precipitate which collapsed the roof. Now, more global warming has caused the cancellation of tonight's scheduled Sunday Night Football game between the Eagles and the Vikings.

The upside is that Brett Favre will have two more days to heal up. The downside is that he'll be two days older...

NFL Christmas Carols

(To the tune "Silver Bells")

"Bill Parcells, Bill Parcells,

It's Christmas time for the Dolphins.

He consults. Gets results.

Watch them beat De-troit Sunday"